No 25 — Leslie W.

Our Selves, As Humans

Read time: 9 minutes.
Interviewed November 17, 2020. Published February 16, 2021

My name is Leslie W. I'm a third generation Californian. I grew up in Santa Monica and I'm half Sicilian on my mother's side. I moved to Santa Barbara in the early 1970s to live with a boy I met at the Renaissance Faire. I moved to live with him on a hippie commune. It was a summer romance that ended, but I fell in love with Santa Barbara. I've been here most of my adult life - which is a long time - as I'm now a senior citizen!

What does home mean to you?

I think that home is a fluid state of mind.

Home means a lot of things. Obviously, it means where I live and feel comfortable and safe, but the feeling extends when I go to visit my mother, who's 90 and lives in the Hollywood hills. Her home feels like my home. It also applies to being at home within oneself. I used to get criticized a lot as a travel writer. People would accuse me of running away from myself. I disagree with that notion, because no matter where I go, there I am. I’ve been a travel writer for a long time. I know when I feel at home and safe when on the road. On a train, in a hotel room, visiting friends—those are all home to me.

What does community mean to you?

Community is really important. It means reaching out beyond those you know, and helping your neighbors, whether you know them or not. It can be in your town or it can be on a global level. Helping others whose needs speak to you, no matter where they are, whether they're children or adults. I'm a community activist. When I moved to Carpinteria, I became a community activist after Trump was elected and started the Indivisible Group there. I was able to grow my community out of a mutual concern for my community, and due to immigration fears for many of my friends and neighbors.

What are you most afraid of right now?

That's an interesting question, because my knee-jerk reaction is on a political level, that our democracy is at stake. We've really seen our democracy stretched these last four years. I'm just hoping that it can hold up. I feel pretty hopeful about it. Then I thought about my fears on a personal level. I have Alzheimer's in my family. My grandmother had it, my aunt has it, so if there's anything that comes up for me as a fear, it's probably fear of the future and fear of Alzheimer's.

What's the happiest moment of your life?

That's a hard question! I've had a lot of happy moments. From childhood memories to current day events, little things flash up in my mind. The recent election (when Biden won) brought tears of joy, from being free from what felt like a four-year abusive relationship with the man who was running—and ruining—our country. But being in love has provided some of the happiest moments of my life. Also, I'm a fairy godmother.

Being anointed a fairy godmother to a number of children around the world is certainly a happy moment, because I love kids and I don’t have children of my own.

A friend of mine who was a rare book dealer in London, who'd known me forever, specialized in children's illustrated books, so he was familiar with fairy godmothers. I was lamenting the fact that I didn't have children, and he said, "Well, you can be a fairy godmother to my two daughters." One of them, Olivia, now lives in Barcelona. She went there to study art and married a fabulous man and they have two children. Her sister, Carolina, lives outside of London with her two little kids and their father. So now I'm also a great fairy godmother!  After that, I just took it upon myself to become a fairy godmother to other willing families.

What’s the saddest moment of your life?

Probably when I learned that my first fiancé had been brutally murdered. I was 29 years old. He was 41. It was devastating and haunted me for many, many years. It was before PTSD, but I definitely had PTSD. It wasn't even a diagnosis back then. It was very, very hard. They never solved the crime. It’s still a cold case. The detective that worked on it has retired. He was quoted in a newspaper article when asked "What's the one case that you still think about, that got away and still bothers you?" that it was that case—he never could solve it.

I've had a lot of deaths of friends and family and former lovers since then. I'm really familiar with grief.

Watching my father suffer from pancreatic cancer before he died a few years ago was one of my more recent saddest times. I’ve lost a lot of close friends, which happens as you get older.

Who's the most influential person in your life?

Both my mother and my father. My mom, who's really wonderful, gave me the love of reading and writing and theater. She'd been an actress, and my dad was a jazz pianist. He gave me a great love of music, from jazz to classical to contemporary and Latin. Both of them gave me the space and freedom to be a creative child who was allowed to develop into a unique individual, a non-conformist. I was lucky.

Have you ever experienced prejudice? And if you have, how so?

That's an interesting question to ask. I'm a white woman who grew up in Santa Monica. Because my dad was a musician, I grew up in a very integrated atmosphere. He had a lot of diverse musician friends. I think about one story a lot. When I grew up in Santa Monica, there were a lot of Black and Hispanic kids in my elementary school. One of my best friends was a Black boy named Joseph. I can't remember his last name and I always wondered what happened to him. The incident I think about a lot was where I was threatened to be beat up by a group of Black kids after school one day. I remember being really frightened. I don't know if that's prejudice or not. I don't know if they picked on me because I was a little white girl, a goody two shoes, or what, you know? There was a big Black girl named Maxine. We were sitting at the cafeteria and we had to raise our hands after we finished our food to get excused. And I remember Maxine going, "Goddamn, teacher get over here!" And I said something silly like, "You shouldn't talk like that!" And then she got her whole gang and they were going to beat me up after school!

I don't know if that's prejudice or not, or if it just happened that those were the kids that ganged up on me.

Have you ever thought about privilege? How?

Yeah. I've thought about that. There's all kinds of privilege. There's racial privilege. There's the privilege of wealth, status and power.

For anyone who has privilege of any kind, I think it's really important they appreciate what they may have that others don't have, and that they give others the space and make room for them to flourish and achieve.

It makes me sick how this country is divided, and the racism that's ingrained, it's just awful. 

What was one pivotal moment in your life, and how did it influence you?

When I moved to New York City to work in publishing for a couple of years when I was in my early thirties. It was after my fiancé died, and I needed to reinvent myself. That’s when I became a travel writer. My work gave me the ability to travel around the globe on assignment and fulfill my dreams of being a published writer in national publications. That also allowed me to experience other cultures and places, from London to Haiti and from high to low. All that travel brought a wonderful perspective and worldview beyond my own little corner and golden bubble in Santa Barbara.

Then COVID hit. I've been a journalist for 37 years. Just before COVID hit, I had just returned from a wonderful assignment in Oaxaca, Mexico. My next assignments to Baja, Las Vegas and Rome had to be cancelled. It's a wonderful job. Not much money, but great perks.

Where are you from and how has being from your home shaped who you are today?

I'm proud to say I'm a third generation native Californian.

Growing up and always living near the ocean and on the edge has given me an outlook to look out beyond the horizon, and to imagine what lies beyond what we can see. It also gave me this yearning for adventure, a kind of openness, so to speak, to explore beyond the rim.

 Although I grew up near the Pacific Ocean—I don't have to actively go to the beach. But I do have to live near it. It's in my blood.

What's one thing that always reminds you of home?

The drive between Ventura and Carpinteria, where I live now, along the sea, because I know I'm almost home. Also home cooking. The smells of Italian food, because of my mom, but also Mexican food, because that's part of my comfort food. That's what we had when we went out to eat in California. I've got Mexican food in my blood just as much as Italian blood!

What's something that you've accomplished that you're proud of?

I had two books published that I'm proud of. Above that, I'm proud of my work as a community activist. I am proud of being a good neighbor—helping some of our Latino neighbors who were affected or fearful during the Trump administration actions. I'm relieved that our new president will try and help the Dreamers and others on the path to citizenship, so they no longer have to live in fear. I'm helping a wonderful family right now with some of their legal bills. It's not a lot, but I told them I'd help pay them on their path to citizenship. Our organization had also raised money to help our neighbors. We bought groceries and organic food boxes and other things when all that deportation stuff was happening. 

The group I'm a part of is Indivisible Carpinteria. There are 6,000 Indivisible organizations around the country and they were started right after Trump was elected. When we started, about 80 people showed up at the library. I asked the group: "What do you want to focus on? Climate change? Women's issues? Immigration?" That last one was near and dear to my heart and meant to be, because all the hands went up for immigration. What we did was, because we have good representation here with our Congressman Salud Carbajal, we brought it down to a local level. We have three People's Self-Help Housing projects in Carpinteria. We saw what was happening. People were afraid to walk their kids to school. We had a couple of women whose husbands were deported, so we'd help them with groceries, gas and shoes or Christmas gifts for their kids. We honed it down to a local level. 

You know, I think it's simple. “Adopt” a family, or be a big brother, big sister.

You don't have to do something for a million people. Instead, focus on making a huge difference to one family, or to one person.

What's something about yourself that you don't like talking about?

Well, I'm kind of messy. I wish I was better at housework, but it bores me! I'd rather do something creative than do the dishes. That's my priority. 

What's one thing that you wish you could share about your culture with the world?

I'm proud to be half Sicilian-American, and I'm excited our new First Lady, Jill Biden, also has Italian roots. I love all kinds of beautiful things about the Italian culture. The food, people, architecture, history. It's a very rich culture.

What would people be surprised to know about you outside of everything that we've talked about?

My friends think I'm really outgoing and active all the time. Before COVID and being landlocked, my job was always sending me around the globe. I've met and know a lot of people in different places. One friend told me I was the only person she knows who could make friends on a deserted island. I love talking to people and finding out their stories.

But really, I'm more solitary than people think. Being a writer requires being alone a lot, and invites a lot of quiet. I'm sure it looks like from the outside I'm always going somewhere, but the reality is I'm home alone all day writing if I'm not out on assignment. If I don't go out when I can, I'm going to be crazy. Now we're going crazy with COVID!

How do you feel sharing this stuff?

I enjoyed it, and it pushed me to some different places that were a bit of a stretch, but I love sharing what I'm excited about, like my community work. Thank you for such great questions!

Last question. Can you please reintroduce yourself?

My name is Leslie W. I live in Carpinteria, California, and I'm a native Californian. I'm a writer, a community activist and a fairy godmother!