No 22 — Rob G.
Our Selves, As Humans
Read time: 12 minutes.
Interviewed October 20, 2020. Published January 12, 2021
My name is Rob G. I am 32 years old and I currently live in Santa Barbara, California, though I will be moving soon. I've been in California coming up on 10 years. I grew up in Michigan, in the southeastern part in the suburbs of Detroit. I went to school on the west side of Michigan, in the second largest city called grand Rapids. When I graduated from there, I always wanted to move out west as a kid, so I found a way out here via one of my buddies, first to Tahoe. I was always a ski bum and a snow bum, so that's how I ended up in California. I have a wife and a little girl and two dogs, and overall I'm a genuinely happy person. That's me.
What does home mean to you?
Home for me is pretty vanilla, actually. Up until very recently, probably this year, I thought of home as being back home in Michigan, at my parents' house, and really just enjoying time with family. For the longest time, that was home to me. Now, home is here in Santa Barbara. I think that change probably happened relatively recently, with the birth of my daughter. I'm coming home to my family now, which is my wife Danielle, our daughter Ky, and the dogs. For me, home is a safety net for everything.
What does community mean to you?
Gosh, my very first thought was sports, because I'm such a sports nerd. Community means a group of people that are intertwined to a certain degree. When I think of community, I think of every step and walk of life experienced throughout my day. For example, when I go on my walks with Ky at night, I'll walk down Milpas and I'll get a michelada—which I'm actually drinking tonight—from this place called Cesar's that's a seafood-oriented Mexican food spot. It's really good. They make really good micheladas, and I would say every other week I'll walk there with Ky and pick one up to go. And the lady that works there, she totally loves Ky. She'll make faces at her and make her smile. That's community. I don't know her deeply, but we interact with each other just because we've crossed paths so often now.
Community can extend beyond the people that are in your inner circle.
It's the people you interact with and recognize around town, the everyday walk of life.
What are you most afraid of right now?
Transitioning to the next step in our life, which is a fairly recent development. I think within the next three to six months, we're going to be moving out of California. Normally I would say that I'm not scared, and overall, genuinely excited about it, but there's parts of me that are—I guess "scared" might be the wrong word, I'm more sad to leave our family here. By family, I mean friends, because we don't have any actual family here, but we've made so many close friends here. I'm scared that we'll lose some of the strong bonds that we have, just because we've moved a couple of times, from Michigan to Tahoe to here, and you still keep the friendships, but sometimes they're not as strong. I'm a little bit scared that we'll lose some of those.
What's the happiest moment of your life?
Happiest moment of my life was when Ky was born, for sure. That, and our wedding week. Not even the moment that we got married, but that entire week in general. When I think about happiness, I definitely think back to that week.
What’s the saddest moment of your life?
When we lost our second kid, that was pretty tough, really tough actually. Danielle had her second miscarriage.
The first one was hard, but I understood it more. The second one, I was in a state of confusion and helplessness, and that was really tough.
The only person that I felt understood, even above my parents, was Danielle's mom, because she went through it—she adopted Danielle because she couldn't have kids. She was the only person that I could talk to that I think understood what we were going through. That was definitely the saddest part of my entire life.
Who's the most influential person in your life?
My brother. I mean, there's a few that come to mind, but I think it's my younger brother. I look up to him so much. We have so much in common. It's very easy to side with him because we're so close—I'd say he's someone who can influence me, positively or negatively. He's a strong personality and someone who I've been close to my entire life. He's definitely one of my best friends and very influential in my life, and has been since day one, from the day he was born. Up until our marriage and Ky being born, I would say that the day he was born was the happiest day of my life. I love that guy. Now, he lives in Texas. He's in Houston, he's got a wife and a kid on the way.
Have you ever experienced prejudice? And if you have, how so?
For me, no, not really. I went to high school and college with a bunch of people that were not white, and I mean, they used to poke fun at me for being white, but I never felt it in a way that was scary or judgemental or anything like that. It was all just kind of in jest. I've got it pretty easy being a white male as far as prejudice goes.
[Are there any repeated assumptions that people think about you that are wrong?]
Along those lines, I feel like a lot of people can mistake my niceness for weakness.
That's not always the case, but yeah, I would say that's probably about it.
Have you ever thought about privilege? How?
Yeah, for sure. I'm sure you've probably seen this video—it's the one where they line up a bunch of people, I think it's mostly teenagers, and they answer questions. If the answer is yes, you take a step forward, and if it's no, you take a step back. The first time I saw that really articulated the idea of privilege. That video resonated with me the most. It stuck with me.
What was one pivotal moment in your life, and how did it influence you?
When I decided to move to California, that was a big moment in my life. It was a combination of things—I graduated from college and I was on this seemingly successful track of having a nice job in management, I was wearing a suit and tie everyday. But I was young. I was 22. I'm 32 now—it was 10 years ago. I just wasn't... I was happy, but I wasn't fully, truly happy. So I did a lot of soul searching and I had a conversation with my parents—at the time theirs' was the only opinion that mattered to me. I talked with them about moving out west. I told them, "Hey, I'm thinking about moving, I'm broke but I'm just going to do it because I feel in my heart of hearts, this is right. And that's what I want to do." It was what I had always wanted to do. I didn't know how I was going to make it, but I had a feeling I would. They supported me, quickly and easily. They weren't concerned about me giving up a good job for the unknown. They trusted me. That was a huge moment in my life. It felt like I was breaking free into my own adulthood. It was my life and my direction now.
It was a big move. I was going fully across the country. That was a big, pivotal point. And you know, career-wise, I was prepared to take a step back to just truly enjoy life for a while and get it out of my system, so to speak. So I did, and looking back on it, it was the best decision I ever made.
Where are you from and how has being from your home shaped who you are today?
So I'm from Michigan. I grew up in two different places throughout my childhood in Michigan. I grew up relatively close to Detroit when I was a kid. You've heard of the movie "8 Mile"—I grew up basically on nine and a half mile. We moved when I was a little bit older in middle school and high school. When I was a little kid, I lived a lot closer to Detroit. One thing I'll say about that neighborhood closer to Detroit was that when I was a kid, there were a lot of kids from different backgrounds on the block that were the same age as me. I feel like that played a part in how social I am now, and how I'm able to get along with a lot of different people. There were constantly kids playing in the street or coming over to our house or vice versa, I was going over to their houses. That definitely played a part in who I am today. My parents gave us the freedom to ride our bikes around and explore.
And then we moved about an hour north, to a rural town called Clarkston, Michigan. We had three and a half acres. My brother and I used to get lost in the woods. That was different because we weren't in a city block neighborhood with a bunch of kids anymore. I'd say that place gave me an appreciation for the outdoors. We grew up near a ski hill, and snow and skiing was what brought me out to California. How else did it shape me? Growing up in Michigan, well, in any place with inclement weather, I think it makes you tough to a certain degree.
Little things don't phase me as much as they might phase other people. Oh, it's sleeting outside? We just have to drive through it. You just do it. It's a part of life, there's no sense in complaining about it because it is what it is.
Whatever it is, having to deal with the weather elements creates a certain toughness, or at least Danielle and I say that it does. Lastly, I think it helped me learn to appreciate really beautiful places. There are so many amazing places in the Midwest. My family used to travel a lot, ever since I was a little kid.
What's one thing that always reminds you of home?
The holidays, for sure. Thanksgiving or going back home Christmas—when I think holidays, I think of being home. My parents have a fireplace in my kitchen back home, I can picture it. The holiday season always reminds me of home.
What's something that you've accomplished that you're proud of?
I would say, up to this point, I'm very proud of the work that I've put in my career. I'm not a career driven person, it always comes secondary to my family and a lot of other things. Money isn't something that necessarily motivates me—it's more or less a means to an end and a way to provide for my family and live the life that I want, to live outside of work. But if I were to rewind 10 years from now, or even 15 years from now, I think I've outdone what I thought I could do at this age. I'm definitely proud of that.
What's something about yourself that you don't like talking about?
Good question. I'm a pretty emotional dude. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve or anything, but for certain things I can get pretty emotional.
Another thing, I don't really like talking politics, even with people who I agree with. It's interesting being conservative in California. For the same reason that you wouldn't put a Biden sign on your front lawn in West Virginia, I wouldn't stick a Trump sign in my front yard because I know I'll get a rock thrown through it. I don't want to bring that on my family. I'm a citizen, I'm a voter, I'm going to exercise my right to vote. I actually just dropped off my ballot today. I love the fact that we can vote. I like the fact that you've got a choice and if you want to vote Democrat one year and Republican the next term, you can. To me, it's really frustrating that people don't understand that there are a lot of people that don't fit in both sides. They don't think it's okay to vote the opposite way they vote.
Half the country is going to vote the opposite way of you. And that's okay. That's the way it's set up. That's the point of having this choice. I've got an opinion and it's my opinion.
Especially the older we get, the more opinionated people are. They get set in their ways and they start to dig their roots into one side or the other. But for me, I don't care if you want to vote the opposite of me. Honestly, I think it's awesome. It's free will. That's how this country was made. There are different candidates for that very reason: because you should have different opinions. A lot of people get worked up when they hear that I'm going to vote for Trump. And to be honest, I don't think Trump's the best candidate, nor do I think Biden's the best candidate, but when it comes to overall principles, I value the right side more than I do the left. I think Trump's a big idiot, but I don't like the tax plans that the Democrats have a lot of times.
My dad is conservative for sure. My mom is a social worker, so I would say no, she's not that conservative. I think she understands both sides, but she and Danielle are the only people that I know who have voted for separate sides depending on who they like. My mom has voted Democrat and Republican. She picks who she thinks is the best person. I honestly don't know that many people who do that.
What's one thing that you wish you could share about your culture with the world?
My family, we're white, but we still have culture, you know? From my mom's side, we're very Polish. We actually have a family tree history book, it looks like a book that you'd pull out of Game of Thrones. It's all dusty and falling apart, but we've laminated a lot of the pages so we can keep it. It's super cool. Something that's really funny is on that Polish side, my grandpa was a first-generation Polish, so his parents came over from Poland. They landed in Ellis Island and our name is on a stone there, which is really cool. When he was younger, he was so embarrassed by his last name that he changed it to something more American-sounding. So, his original given last name was Pieszczachowicz. I think maybe there was one vowel in the whole thing. He changed it to Fairchild because he used to get picked on and he wanted nothing to do with the heritage itself. Two generations later, I love telling that story.
What else? My grandma on my dad's side was Irish, and in Ireland they have a lot of superstitions, you know, the Blarney Stone, things like that. She has a lot of superstitions that have been carried down and she used to do a lot of palm reading and things like that. She taught me some of it. I can read a couple things. I can tell you how long you're going to live, how many kids you're going to have, how good you are with spending. There's a lot of rich culture and generational pass-downs.
What would people be surprised to know about you outside of everything that we've talked about?
I grew up religious, but I don't believe in any of it now. Don't show this to my parents! I grew up in a very religious Catholic house, and we used to go to church every Sunday and do catechism class and this and that. When I was in college, I still had some faith and I would self-guilt myself into going to church every once in a while, but I didn't really want to. When I moved to California, I pretty much left it all behind, but I still wore a cross necklace and I would think about God and Jesus.
Then one night, when I was living in Tahoe, it all came crashing down and I found myself asking, do I believe in anything? All at once, it came crashing down. I found the nearest church, and I went to church by myself, unsure of my belief. After I left that night, I pretty much just left it all behind. You know, I appreciate how I grew up with religion, and I think to a certain degree, it shapes the person that you are. For me though, presently, I've pretty much just let it be.
How do you feel sharing this stuff?
Oh, it was fun. Actually, you almost got me to cry in my saddest moment.
Last question. Can you please reintroduce yourself?
My name is Rob G., and I’m 32 years old. I live in Santa Barbara, California, and this was my interview.