No 21 — Leticia F.
Our Selves, As Humans
Read time: 8 minutes.
Interviewed October 4, 2020. Published January 5, 2021
My name is Leticia F. I am a Santa Barbara local, born and raised.
What does home mean to you?
It's not a certain place for me. It's where my family is. It doesn't matter where they are. That's just where my heart goes.
What does community mean to you?
People with like-minded goals and values, people who become accomplices and allies for the same purpose—that's community.
What are you most afraid of right now?
Violence. All forms of violence. Violence against Black lives. Violence against all of our human rights. That's what I'm most afraid of. And part of that extends to fearfulness for my children’s future, humanity’s future, and for the future of this planet.
What's the happiest moment of your life?
The happiest moment of my life is my children being born. I find all those happy moments with my kids, witnessing them grow and figure out the world. Anything involving my children is a happy moment.
What’s the saddest moment of your life?
It would have to be the loss of life I have experienced. Loss of family members, loss of innocence in my children, just loss. And loss could be in many different forms. When I realized that my son was having to see violence for the first time, I saw that loss of innocence. Even having to explain to him why I was crying due to the horrific happenings in the world, he lost more of that innocence.
Loss is the saddest moment in my life—and those moments must mean a loss of innocence in myself, too.
I don't think we talk about that enough. I don't think we talk about the pain in watching our children experience hardship for the first time. But it is definitely something anyone can empathize with.
Who's the most influential person in your life?
It's really hard for me to nail that down to one person, but I think the one that has influenced me the most in my trajectory of change, specifically in my activism, has been Simone Ruskamp.
She came late to my life, but her strength and ability to juggle so much negativity while exuding love, and being able to articulate that type of passion for her community, has given me a new perspective on what being present means, and what being active means.
I mean, I'm sure most people would say someone close to them, like a mother or a grandmother. And granted, yes, I would not be here if it weren't for my ancestors. My husband has also been extremely influential and supportive. But to narrow down the change in myself that has happened recently, I would have to say Simone has been an intrinsic part of that.
Have you ever experienced prejudice? And if you have, how so?
Yes, I have experienced it since I was probably five or six. I think that was my first memory of prejudice. We were playing with a group of kids in our neighborhood and we were probably the only mixed race family on the block. We were playing the game where you do a blind taste test and then guess the food. All the other kids went first and got regular food items. They gave me dog food. Naturally disgusted, I spat it out, and afterwards I asked, "Why did you give me that?" Everybody else had regular food. They said, "Dark people deserve to eat shit." I was humiliated and devastated. I knew I wasn’t welcomed! I remember feeling so much at such a young age.
I’ve witnessed a lot of anti-Blackness within the Latinx community, the community I was raised in. Frequently there were microaggressive comments or harmful statements.
I remember on a trip in Wisconsin with my husband and family, the racism was so blatant. I was shocked. I walked into a nursing home room to visit one of his family members. Another patient looked at me and said, “Oh no, not another one.” Other times, people would stare and look at us and whisper like we were the first interracial couple they had seen.
I am married to a white man and our children are very light skinned. When they were little I would often get people who asked me if I was the nanny. I even had one lady inspect my son's face to verify that I was the mother. I was infuriated and overwhelmed with disbelief at the audacity of this person. Unfortunately, stuff happens like this anywhere and everywhere. I’ve experienced many microaggressions and blatant racist remarks.
Have you ever thought about privilege? How?
Yes. I think it’s important to remind ourselves of it. Too often the most marginalized people are forgotten. I feel that even though I didn’t have it easy at times, there are others who are dealing with things I didn't have to go through.
What was one pivotal moment in your life, and how did it influence you?
I knew going into the event industry in Santa Barbara that I would be a minority. I told myself, there's something wrong with this and I'm not going to accept it. I asked a lot of questions to people. I think that was the beginning of my own personal activism that led to the work I'm doing today.
I started opening my own eyes to my inner voice. Why is it this way and how can I make a difference?
[How long did you work in events?]
I'm going into 12 or 13 years of events. It started off with just assisting. I was just helping out other event coordinators in Santa Barbara. It is predominantly a white industry, with predominantly a white clientele. That was a pivotal moment for myself, to say I've lived in Santa Barbara, I've never questioned how predominantly white it was, I always just ignored it and dealt with it. The impactful moment was when I started asking myself, "Why is it like this?" I started looking and talking more about it. Where are the BIPOC folks? Where are the culture hubs, neighborhoods, districts or communities, much like when you go to a bigger city that has those communities immersed in its makeup? That was a pivotal moment.
Another big moment has been this year. This year showed us all that action plays a vital role.
Whether it’s educating yourself, listening to others, becoming more visible, speaking up against injustices, being compassionate, empathetic and active—it makes a difference.
Where are you from and how has being from your home shaped who you are today?
I am a Santa Barbarian through and through. My Chumash ancestry dates back to pre-colonialism. My Black ancestry and Mexican ancestry are both recorded back to the early 1890’s. It has provided me with that extra spiritual support that I am on the land of my peoples.
I was raised in a gang affiliated neighborhood with a single mother in a lower income home. I saw violence, discrimination and limitations on those in this neighborhood. I am grateful I had a strong mother, who always put food on the table and made sure we had birthdays and holiday celebrations. She showed me what it meant to always strive to do better, love and value family, and to respect and not judge others no matter their situation.
What's one thing that always reminds you of home?
I'd say the ocean. The ocean always reminds me of home. Living so close to it all my life, the smell, even the temperature of the air, it all reminds me of home.
What's something that you've accomplished that you're proud of?
Having my children, and being able to support them. Whether it's education in the arts, academic or cultural, I want to be able to feed their little minds. My son's a jazz trumpeter, 13 years old, how amazing is that? There are so many things for me to be proud of.
Supporting artists has also become a driving force for me. For instance—the "Art is Activism" and “Say their Names” campaigns. It brought artists together in a way that they could give back to the community. It provided a space for people to show up for a cause that may not be their own. I'm very proud of the final products. It's the beginning of bringing my art and activism together with other artists.
What's something about yourself that you don't like talking about?
My personal trauma. I don't like talking about my personal trauma.
What's one thing that you wish you could share about your culture with the world?
I think community culture is what is saving the world right now. Connecting with others, showing compassion, empathy and love is what helps change lives. Even if it’s through Zoom togetherness, community can be achieved. Whether it’s Kwanza, Christmas, winter solstice, book clubs, community meetings, sharing love of the arts and music… Nurturing our souls in order to give back is all part of community care! Being a part of a community provided me a chance to meet amazing, inspiring, talented, caring people and a chance to connect. Healing Justice SB has provided a safe space for black folks to come together and build community. The concept of “self care is a part of community care” is something Simone Ruskamp spoke on and it resonated with me.
We most definitely cannot continue to take care of others without taking care of ourselves, and the same goes the other way around. Collective healing through community care.
I am also honored to be a part of Juneteenth SB, where we share liberation from enslavement with food, song, storytelling and dance. Together, it builds into a beautiful community.
What would people be surprised to know about you outside of everything that we've talked about?
That's a hard question. I don't know... that I wanted to be a dancer! That was my dream. Otherwise I'm an open book. I don't think there's much to be surprised about.
How do you feel sharing this stuff?
Hmm… If you feel comfortable sharing, then it feels good. I felt good.
Last question. Can you please reintroduce yourself?
Hello! I'm Leticia F. I'm a mother, wife, daughter, sister, social practice artist and business owner.